


Falling in love with Humanity

by raised_you_from_perdition



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cute, Destiel - Freeform, Love, M/M, One Shot, SPN - Freeform, Supernatural - Freeform, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raised_you_from_perdition/pseuds/raised_you_from_perdition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Dean.’<br/>This word. This awfull word. I don’t even know why but it hurts so much to hear it. <br/>I hate hearing Cas saying my name<br/>The pain, the nausea, the hatred for myself. <br/>I don’t deserve to live. I deserve to die. And I almost managed to...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling in love with Humanity

‘Dean.’  
This word. This awfull word. I don’t even know why but it hurts so much to hear it. The word itself isn’t even superior or something. It’s just...the pain it causes me.  
‘Dean... please.’  
I clutch my knife tightly in my hand. ‘Cas. Leave.’  
‘Dean.’  
I take a deep breath. My name. It hurts. But only when it comes from his lips. I hate hearing Cas saying my name. I don’t feel like I deserve the name Dean. I screwed up. The reason all this crap happened is because of me, and only me. I will never feel again. That was what I’ve always wanted, right? I wanted everything to end. The pain, the nausea, the hatred for myself. Everytime I looked at my own face in the mirror, I felt like throwing a chair through it. I don’t deserve to live. I deserve to die. And I almost managed to...

‘Dean, dammit!’  
‘Cas, I told you 7 times to leave!’  
Cas’ face was distorted with anger. ‘You really don’t get it, do you? I can help you, Dean! I can save you from yourself!’  
Dean threw the knife on the bed and stood up. Filled with rage he chimed towards Cas. His knuckles were completely white.   
‘Nobody can save me from myself! Look what I have become! I can’t feel. I can’t think without wanting to murder someone!’  
Cas tried to make himself as tall as possible. Pure fury could be seen in his blue eyes. He tried to ignore the fact that his hands were shaking like a frightned dog.   
‘There is a way to save you Dean. I am an angel of the lord. I know some tricks, Dean.’  
Castiel tried to grab Dean’s sleeve but he pulled away.  
‘Leave.’  
‘No.’  
‘Fucking leave, Cas.’  
‘I will leave when you realize there is a way out.’  
‘OKAY! Fine, I need help. What do you want me to do?’  
Cas was kind of in shock by how easily Dean admitted he needed help. ‘You need to feel again.’  
Dean pulled this face every twelve year old pulls when their parents call them immature.   
‘What if I don’t want to?’  
Immediately Cas grabbed Dean’s cheeks and pulled him closer. He lowered his voice, trying to sound intimidating. ‘I am an angel. You taught me how to feel. I will return the favor.’  
The angel in the trenchcoat almost thought he saw something light up in Dean’s eyes. This only lasted for a second because Dean’s eyes turned black quickly. He was pissed once again.  
Cas was thrown against the wall by Dean’s arms which were stronger than before.  
‘Don’t you ever try to tell me that I made you feel somehting. That is complete nonsense. You are an angel, you’re not supposed to feel anything, and you never will! Neither will a demon, neither will I!’  
Cas opened his eyes. He was so done with this Dean. This wasn’t the Dean he used to know. This wasn’t HIS Dean.  
‘Angels do feel things. Angels have a heart too.’  
The demon made a sarastic noise which only made Cas more furious. ‘I can prove it to you.’  
Cas recognized the sarcastic face Dean pulled from when he was human. He missed it.  
‘Yeah, of course you can. Angels can prove anything, right? You’re all a bunch of flunkeys. Following His orders like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do.’  
‘I can see you are really into this angel/demon thing, aren’t you Dean?’ A smile almost slipped from Cas’ lips.  
The sound of Dean’s knuckels cracking filled the room.  
‘Stop that. You know I hate that.’  
The sound of Dean’s neck cracking filled Cas’ ears. Cas let out a deep sigh.   
‘Are you done?’  
Dean chuckled. ‘If you leave the room finally, yes, I am.’  
‘I won’t leave the room. I will stay with you. You need help, you admitted you need help.’ Cas forced Dean to sit on his bed. ‘Just try to make this work, okay?’  
Dean digged his nails into his skin. ‘It won’t work. I am not even sure if I want it to work.’  
Cas seated himself next to Dean and declutched his hands. He used to do that too when he was human. Sometimes it started bleeding.  
‘You’ll hurt yourself, Dean. Stop with that damn habit.’  
‘Who gives a damn if I hurt myself.’  
‘I do. I’ve always given a damn about you. I care about you. You used to to this a lot, and I always tried to make you stop doing it.’  
‘It never worked. Too bad, angel.’  
Cas squinted his eyelids. ‘I almost managed to, though.’  
Dean kind of seemed to move slightly. Was he nervous?  
‘I never taught you how to feel. You aren’t able to feel things. You don’t have feelings. You were never human. Somewhere, in the back of my head, there are probably still some memories left. Maybe I still remember how it was to love someone. How I loved Sammy. My dearly brother.’  
Cas his eyes widened. Sammy. He said Sammy. He only says Sammy when he’s emotional.  
‘You did teach me though, Dean.’  
‘You taught it yourself, probably. I never did anything.’  
‘I fell in love, Dean.’  
Dean let out a deep sigh. He was annoyed. ‘Angels can’t love. They can’t have feeling for someone or something. Whatever. Just stop. You’re talking utter shit.’  
‘...but I did fall in love.’  
With hold back rage Dean turned towards Cas. Rage was replaced by sarcasm. ‘And with what did you fell in love, my ignorant angel?’  
Anybody could have heard the sound of air getting stuck in Cas’ throat. He tried to ignore it.  
‘I..I fell in love..w..with..’ He couldn’t say it. He just couldn’t. He wanted to cry. He wanted to grab the first blade and stab himself so everything would be over. But he couldn’t leave Dean like this. He couldn’t take the risk of letting Dean on his own. God knows what he was planning on doing. To the world, or to himself.

‘I am waitinggg...’  
Cas’ pale lips opened and let out a silent sigh. He was going to tell him. Was he? Yes he was.   
‘I fell in love...with...y-’  
CASTIEL.  
Cas opened his eyes and looked into Dean’s. That wasn’t Dean’s voice.  
Castiel. Don’t you dare.  
What?   
Dont you dare to admit any kind of feelings for a demon. Don’t. You. Dare.  
Or what? Dean’s eyes were focussed on Cas’. ‘What is going on, Cas?’  
‘N...nothing.’  
You will regret every word you say if you admit it. It will cost you a lot.  
I need to say it. Dean needs to know. He would do anything to get his Dean back. His Dean. Not demon Dean...  
Castiel. No.  
Can he do this? Yes, he can. He will.  
‘Dean,’ Cas opened his eyes and locked them with Dean’s piercing green eyes.  
‘I fell in love...with...’  
‘With what Cas? With who?  
Humanity.Say it.  
Shut up. I didn’t fall in love with humanity.  
‘With you, Dean.’  
Dean’s eyes went black.  
The angel radio in Cas’ head got short circuit. It just stopped.   
But then.  
A sharp sting went through Cas’ spine.  
No, Cas thought. This wasn’t happening.  
‘Cas!’  
Dean’s voice wasn’t clear at all. He only heared this ringing inside of his head. Was this the end?  
‘CAS! No!’ Dean clutched onto the foul trenchcoat. ‘Cas! You son of a bitch, don’t you dare to give op on me!’  
Keeping his eyes open took Cas’ a lot of effort.  
Cas tried to turn around. He managed to see half of a well-known face.  
‘A..Anna.. why?’  
A smile appeared on her face.’  
‘Because.’  
Cas’ sight went black. Right before his mind went black too, he felt Dean’s warm lips against his.  
He did it.  
He fucking did it.  
He made Dean feel. Dean fell in love.  
With him.  
He did it.

And Dean finally did what he thought was best as well.  
He wanted this to end for a long time.  
Now his only hope ended aswell... he could only do one thing.  
He tried to grab the first blad which he threw onto the bed. Not letting go of Cas’ cold hand.  
He looked at it.  
‘It was you and me from the start, buddy.’  
He grabbed Cas’ his hand as if his life depended on it. Which was actually true.  
He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath.  
The warmth eclosed him as the first blad went thorugh the fabric of his clothes. His skin. Right through his body.

It was over.  
Finally.


End file.
